Tracks In The Dust

Every Begining Has An End

At the other end of something that begins is always the finish. Some ends come quicker than others, while some seem to go on for a long time. But either way the start has an end. ♥ The fact that I am positive of it- itself is comforting.

Before I knew I had cancer I was feeling invincable, that I had my own destiny totally under my control. God willing old age would finally get me like many of my ancestors before me, but I would have all the time to watch my children grow up and be what they chose to be. I would have time to sit on the beach with my wife &  lover of decades so many that we would have stopped counting. I would be at peace because life was full, through all the ups and downs it would present in its eventual path to the end. Before cancer came, my lover and I had pictured of our traveling the country care-free. making stops along the way to take in the goodness of humankind as God planned it. 

In the days before, there were indeed some days it would be easy to take things for granted, not stopping to make eye contact with life itself – too busy to invest the time to share words of kindness or a silent smile.  Anger was something to hold on to, and happiness was something to have to go find. Regrets would be about trival things that didn’t even matter to anyone but me.  

After cancer, our life together changed forever (that is a strange term since this life is not a forever thing). The battle is on, but the invader is without mercy. No voluntary retreat, no sympathy for time. The picture changes and the reasons for living become clearer with sharper edges. Each day becomes more precious, every interaction with life and the things around it more detailed. There is a willingnesss for  investment in the “now’ that you want to share with everyone you can. Even still- although it seems that there is a plan, it is needed to be careful  for the cold-darkness that can creep in. Even still- thankful for another day, thankful for the opportunity to embrace the things that matter most, but knowing there is the feeling of being tied to an ending. Theres that feeling of doubt (not fear) of how it will be for the fight in the end. 

Still after all I am grateful for each day God gives me. Making sure along the way that I can pay it back while I am here on Earth. Each day as we move from place to place, we can make a difference in someone’s life that may last their lifetime.

I am a fan of many movies about traveling time and how it effects something that will change everything after it. From It’s A Wonderful Life to Butterfly Effect. But this is not just a fantasy, it is a real thing. Each of us can do it and put our existance on Earth in motion for years after we are gone from it. Making a difference that is more than tracks in the dust. It is a decision to live life and also to embrace eternity when it is over. The begining… has an end. But then all of us knew that all along. It is so easy to forget – until that day the when something shows you your plans have changed.