choices | Tracks In The Dust

Archive for the tag “choices”

30 Apr 2012

Just Because You Can, Doesn’t Mean You Should

Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. That’s what my wife has been reflecting on often these past weeks, and it is something seems to apply to so many things in life.

Here in America, perhaps it goes along with being a country full of “consumers”. Mass consumption can get so extreme that creates the notion that getting more of everything that others have, getting the super-sized item or getting the most valuable item means contentment. It’s like the thought is: “after all, if we earned it we should deserve it”. Some see it as being able to do whatever you want and some others doing it in spite of what others want; often without considering any consequences. I have heard it said “If it is not illegal or immoral, just go ahead if you can afford it. “

Sadly it seems there are so many messages in the course of a day that just keep working on influencing our sensibilities. Upgrade your car, your home, your life… or make sure you are always happy. Don’t get left behind and be certain you have the newest! Whatever the message it feels like it is aimed at you to be sure you can measure your value in life somehow. Whether it’s on the media or from the people around you, it can appeal to your peace-of-mind, or the need to be recognized by others.

Sometimes it isn’t as serious as much as it is perhaps ironic. Out shopping at a local large discount store on the weekends, I see people who are wearing clothes that don’t flatter them, really don’t fit them or worse yet make them look like they are wearing someone else’s clothes. Seriously, just because they make those short-shorts in that green glowing color in their size does not mean they should be wearing them! Funny really- not that everyone shouldn’t have a positive body image, but there are times when it is worthy of a chuckle.

In other cases it is so much more subtle. Some divorced friends of mine in the past wrestled for legal custody of their children. It was obvious who would come out on the side of custody, but just because it could be done, didn’t mean it should. The children get the wrong end of the settlement, and the awarded parent just “could” and therefore did.

While yet so many other couples we know, just keep working themselves to death to help pay off their debit because they have bought so much on credit. Just because they could, they did- they bought things and went places- on credit. It made them happy temporarily and then over time, it pushed them into the brink of disaster in their personal lives and their relationship because they realized the things around them did nothing to validate who they really were wanting to be.

It can work that way in life I think. Just because you can own it, doesn’t mean you should. Just because you can take it, doesn’t mean you should. Just because you can do something, doesn’t mean you always should. Consuming all you can devour for the sake of doing it… is more than simply self-centered road…it also affects others around you in so many ways.

There are so many better doors to go through, so many more roads to take. So many more reasons to take them… and most of those you can take just because they are there- if you choose to take them…because you can.

Posted in Before and After Things Change and tagged Acceptance, Change, choices, Doubt, Life, Reality Check, Self-Awareness, Slow Down, Truth, Who Are You

24 Apr 2012

6 Comments

The Scale of Accountability

Before I understood what accountability was about, when I was younger, I just didn’t get it. I always thought there was a chance for things to change for the better in my life without me doing anything. Certainly I could help things along myself, but there were reasons (I thought) that things were in my way and if I waited long enough, “go with the flow”… it would just evolve on its own.

There were other times that I would just not accept that what was happening when things didn’t go the way I had planned it –it was someone else or something else to blame. There always seemed to be other people and things in the way and I would just have to make do with the way it was. It was easy to feel helpless, or trapped.

But it isn’t easy to be accountable. It requires a lot of work. And grace: forgiveness, understanding, kindness, compassion, patience, acceptance of change while nurturing a “center” for your view of life. Honesty with oneself is on the list of the hardest things to do..

After I understood the scale of accountability it became something that I could apply to so much in life.

If I was lacking spirituality I could wait for it to find me, or I could find it. If I had problems with someone or something, I figured out that it was up to me to not blame others or wait for things to change. I had to work to acknowledge the situation and make changes. It doesn’t mean there can’t be feelings about things, or opinions… but it is something yet again to learn to be accountable to owning those feelings and opinions beyond just the emotion of it.

So I wonder sometimes…when I see people around me angered and frustrated with the situations they are in- often they are explaining them away as though they are “circumstantial” or must be blamed on other things around them. I wonder what their life is like day-to-day. Are they feeling like a victim; acting like a victim? There are so many of them out there. They seem to be lost because they don’t have a “center” in their lives, but they aren’t looking for one either. Often they surround themselves with more people who feel the way they do. They are unsure why they are stuck in a place they don’t want to be, but that is “the way it is” they’ll say…

So I tell my kids to be accountable to themselves, to the life they choose and to God. Be aware, take action when they need to make a difference in what is happening. Things will change. Life will take on a new meaning.

The Scale of Accountability: Where do you stand?

Accountable

Make It Happen – DO IT
Find Solutions – SOLVE IT
Own Responsibility – OWN IT
Acknowledge Situation – SEE IT

A Victim

Wait and Hope It Gets Better
Excuses-Reasons “I can’t”
Blaming Others
Unaware-Unconscious-Ignore

Posted in Before and After Things Change and tagged Accountability, Blame, choices, Grace, Moral responsibility, Reality Check, Sprituality, Understanding, Victim blaming

19 Mar 2012

4 Comments

Organization in the Clutter of Life

It seems sometimes it is so important to get organized in your life, than other times it seems that the freedom to let it all go makes perfect sense.

Those times when everything needs to be in order. You know, you look around and everything seems cluttered, out-of-place, displaced from the space it belongs in. The clutter can lead to confusion, to that feeling of being off-balance. Nothing is where it needs to be, and you can’t imagine how it got that way. Maybe just a victim of every-day living, running its paces and little by little things just go out-of-order. Other times it can just seem like one day it is all good and the next nothing seems in place.

All good are those opposite days, when you seem to be flowing back and forth though the daily machine of living…so at ease. Nothing bothers you , nothing goes according to plan, but you don’t care. The constant changes feel good, like surprises you can cherish one at a time. The changes seem to nearly confirm the confidence in those unorganized days being temporary. Bring the changes on!

But those days where it is cluttered, every noise seems to rub you the wrong way, like the high-pitched squeal of fingers on a chalkboard (do they have those anymore?). Nothing any one says seems to sit well with you, and you find fault in even the littlest of things. You become annoyed at nearly everything.

That’s when you need to reach deep, and take a deep breath. Reach deep into yourself and meditate on the important things in your life, in your love of the higher being, your center that brings you to your awareness. The awareness of everyone around you, and you in the world surrounded by everything else.

You find yourself re-arranging the clutter, putting things back in their place. You find new places for some of the things in your life, you throw out others. You move-on with the people and ideas that aren’t working the way you thought. You re-engage with the lovers and friends that you know will be there, whether you are all-together organized, or just totally bouncing from place to place like a rubber ball.

So today realize that not every day can be exactly as you plan, not every thing in your space can be exactly where it belongs. Some days when you struggle to organize things, it just isn’t the right day, other days it comes so easily that you have to sit down at the end of the day and be thankful. But either way, take a breath and appreciate the essential things that make you who you are, since you are the only “you” you have. Love yourself for what you are and what you can be.