Tracks In The Dust

A Father's Advice About Learning the Mission of Life

Archive for the tag “Conditional”

15 Aug 2013

Conditions and Compromise

It’s interesting how often these days interaction with someone can always come to “certain conditions”. Doing favors or helping someone with something can end up as a negotiation of sorts. Sort of the payback for things that are done.

The idea of “unconditional” love and friendship is still alive I think, It is definitely a spiritual center we all need to achieve. It makes our lives less complicated in a way. It is the grace of God. Yet it seems like there are days where things only happen under certain terms.

There are a lot of conditions in life. Sort of like: “I can help you with your problem, but IF I do you need to help me with mine.” Negotiation isn’t always bad, but it will struggle to lead to longer term relationships

Conditional love is the hardest one to cope with. Like trying to earn someone’s love and attention, it comes with a price. It has a manipulating qualifier to it. I will love you, if only you would be more attentive to my needs. I will love you if only you make enough time for me to do what I want to do.

It goes on and on : I will love you if you a) lose weight b) gain status, c) dress a certain way, d) be friends with the people I am friends with, e) NOT be friends with the people you are friends with. f) like the colour “blue” – or hundreds upon hundreds of other conditions.

There is something about compromise in a relationship (which is healthy) that can spill over into conditions. When it does there may not be an immediate way to recognize it. But it exists. And over time it can lead to resentment, to disillusion that ends in someone being very hurt.

So I always give my kids that advice, Be sure to “be yourself” and be aware of the difference between compromises in a relationship and conditions.