Tracks In The Dust

A Father's Advice About Learning the Mission of Life

Archive for the category “Doing Things That Will Change Your Life”

25 Sep 2013

This Never Happened Before

My wife and I find that things are quite different these days.

Maybe you could call it “empty nest syndrome” or something like that, but actually it is just more about becoming older. Not the kind of “older” that means turning into a senior citizen. But the older that is more about knowing who we are, what we want and what is important to us.

We have been living most our lives together headed toward the future. Getting married, finishing school, moving around the country to find the next part of a career to support our family, and owning a home. Kids, yes we wanted kids. When we were younger we would think that maybe six kids would be great – yup a big family. As we decided to have children we determined six was not in the plan after the 2nd one we knew . In the end, four was enough.

But we spent much of their lives ( our lives) as the grew up being sure they were healthy, happy ( too much about that sometimes). that they had a good moral compass, good work ethic, made good decisions ( believe me they did not always make good decisions… sometimes really really poor ones). There to support them. It was our imperative. We love them. We wanted only the best for them and wanted to surround them with the things that matter (love would have been enough).

But now they are old enough ( all over 20 actually) and can make their own way through things each day. Just like my wife and I did when we were young. Oh we will be there for them whenever they need us, advice. sympathy, finances (sometimes), we enjoy and have excitement for their progress in the world.

But this never happened before: We have to make our way with our love to a new place, One that will be centered more around US and less around growing up with the kids in mind. We are what is needed for the future. We need to make that a priority.

Life is short, and it is definitely shorter on the downhill ride. Love my wife very much. This is the way it should be for lovers.

18 Sep 2013

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Anger

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. James 1, verses 19-20.

I will admit, I have been angry often in my life. Things just don’t go as you think it should. You see things that seem unjust, unfair, evil or wrong and you get mad.

There are always going to be things beyond your control, but you can always control your anger. It can sap you of energy, sway you from your real mission. It can wrap itself in frustration and confusion, and leave others in its wake. Anger can blind you from what is really important, and preoccupy your valuable and constructive time doing other things.

It is interesting how sometimes when you are angry, where you may end up direct the anger. Blaming others, sometimes lashing out toward the people you love the most. Anger can fuel more anger, in others around you. Even in people who really don’t know you.

So i am much more aware of it now. Understanding that there are circumstances that are simply beyond your control. Not saying to give up on things, but there are battles to choose, and efforts worthwhile. Quick to listen as the verse says, it very wise as well. So much anger seems spontaneous and often can be misunderstanding, not knowing the complete picture. So patience and slow to be angry. Got it.

Related post from Dave is worth reading and I am sharing.

Proverbial About Anger

Posted in Doing Things That Will Change Your Life and tagged Advice, Anger, Anger Management, choices, Emotion, Faith, God, Grace, Happiness, misunderstanding, Reality Check, Self-Awareness

15 Aug 2013

Conditions and Compromise

It’s interesting how often these days interaction with someone can always come to “certain conditions”. Doing favors or helping someone with something can end up as a negotiation of sorts. Sort of the payback for things that are done.

The idea of “unconditional” love and friendship is still alive I think, It is definitely a spiritual center we all need to achieve. It makes our lives less complicated in a way. It is the grace of God. Yet it seems like there are days where things only happen under certain terms.

There are a lot of conditions in life. Sort of like: “I can help you with your problem, but IF I do you need to help me with mine.” Negotiation isn’t always bad, but it will struggle to lead to longer term relationships

Conditional love is the hardest one to cope with. Like trying to earn someone’s love and attention, it comes with a price. It has a manipulating qualifier to it. I will love you, if only you would be more attentive to my needs. I will love you if only you make enough time for me to do what I want to do.

It goes on and on : I will love you if you a) lose weight b) gain status, c) dress a certain way, d) be friends with the people I am friends with, e) NOT be friends with the people you are friends with. f) like the colour “blue” – or hundreds upon hundreds of other conditions.

There is something about compromise in a relationship (which is healthy) that can spill over into conditions. When it does there may not be an immediate way to recognize it. But it exists. And over time it can lead to resentment, to disillusion that ends in someone being very hurt.

So I always give my kids that advice, Be sure to “be yourself” and be aware of the difference between compromises in a relationship and conditions.

Practice Unconditional Love (alexiaisaak.com)

Posted in Doing Things That Will Change Your Life and tagged Acceptance, Advice, Conditional, Doubt, God, Grace, Perception, Philosophy, relationship, Self-Awareness, Sprituality, Unconditional Love

12 Aug 2013

Casting Stones

In these days it seems like EVERYTHING allows for the opportunity to cast judgement. There are so many more ways that people can decide whether something is acceptable or not. And in a world where it seems everyone wants to be accepted, this can be crippling for many who are sensitive to the barrage of possible responses.

You cannot turn around without someone being critical of what you “meant” about something you may have said. Because things are forever text-ed into the www atmosphere, because we can twitter and post to our hearts content,…because the Internet allows everything to be put-out-there for all to see, and be reviewed over and over… it allows for scrutiny beyond anything I can recall in the past.

I mean, everyone has a camera in their pocket these days, and they can take still pictures or videos that can be interpreted out of context or maybe just show someone with their guard down. In turn that allows everyone to cast their judgement on it: Is it funny, insulting, weird, profound, lewd, frightening or whatever?

Many people seem to enjoy casting judgement on things in other peoples lives. Quick to make armchair criticisms and then provide a conditional response. There are “terms” to be settled after all… you must apologize for your behavior among friends since everyone else sees it. You must explain yourself. Make amends. Really?

In the end, past generations seem to have been less subject to public scrutiny, allowing them the courtesy of making a mistake among friends, to say something they later regretted and have a short list to apologize to… Like the Bible story, “casting the first stone” has taken new meaning. The speed of that “cast” is super fast and can allow hundreds, or thousands of others to virtually “pile on” in the process.

One consolation: It shows proof that as humans’ ……..NOBODY is perfect.

Posted in Doing Things That Will Change Your Life and tagged Casting Judgement, choices, Compassion, conditional response, Nobody is perfect, Opinion, Postive Thinking, Public Scrutiny, Reality Check, Regrets, Social Networking, Taking Responsibility, Twitter

09 Jul 2013

The “Scale of Accountability” Again

Nearly every day something will trigger the Scale of Accountability. It keeps coming back to mind to me. I posted this last year, but it is something that has been great to keep a perspective on things on so many levels.

Often I see people around me angered and frustrated with the situations they are in- I hear them explaining things away as though they are “circumstantial” or must be blamed on other things around them. I wonder what their life is like day-to-day. Are they feeling like a victim; acting like a victim?

There are so many of those people who seem to appear in so many places in life. They seem to be lost because they don’t have a “center” in their lives, but they aren’t looking for one either. Often they surround themselves with more people who feel the way they do, which just makes it all the easier to stay in the place they are. They are unsure why they are stuck in a place they don’t want to be, but that is “the way it is” they’ll say…

So I ask my kids to be accountable to themselves and also to the life they choose and to God. Be aware, take action when they need to make a difference in what is happening. Things will change. Life will take on a new meaning.

The Scale of Accountability: What direction do you take?

Are You Accountable?