Tracks In The Dust

28 Jun 2012

Choosing Reconciliation

There are times in your life when there will be conflict, with your family, lover or friends. There will just be things you will never agree on, because that is the way all humans are designed. It is good to be different. So what then? Perhaps you can focus on reconciliation rather than resolution. I have noticed over the years with many of my friends that couldn’t find a way to grasp this in their relationships, that they lost too much in the process. They expended so much energy in their lives that they would never recover.

Reconciliation drives toward re-establishing relationships. Resolution on the other hand, targets the thought that you have to resolve every issue by coming to a conclusive agreement on everything. I think deep inside most of us know that it can’t happen that way. Whether you both love each other, are the “best of friends” or are highly spiritually centered, whether you have made a promise to never disagree or are determined to “be yourself” at all costs; there are going to be some things you’ll never agree on.

But you can disagree without becoming disagreeable — that’s what God calls wisdom. “It’s wise to compromise. You can have unity without uniformity. You can walk hand-in-hand without seeing eye-to-eye. You can have reconciliation without resolution of every issue.”

It continues to be such a trend today to focus on “being yourself” by being declared unique, and while that itself is important, we seem to take that to an extreme. We risk declaring ourselves so special, so privileged in our sovereign definition of “me” that we forget the fundamental things that brought us together in as friends, or as a “couple” or as what the core of our family. Many of the people around me seem to sacrifice their relationships in order to stand upon their “individualism” and then later wonder why they are alone, why they are forever struggling with the interaction of the world around them.

So we have to appreciate the differences, but then focus on the relationship. I have noticed that often looking back the issues that were creating the rifts in my relationships, they have become insignificant in the scheme of things. In our world full of broken relationships, we would be so much better off if we could commit to striving toward reconciliation.

Making the effort is more than half the battle, winning is not the ultimate reward here. (Sorry for all you self achievers on that point). People often still ask me how I can be married for as long as I have. The words love and honor in the traditional wedding vows are followed by obey, but the thing to obey is our focus on the relationship, the reconciliation and the rewards of what that brings to love. That is one of the things my wife and I are working on every day, and I hope that everyone can keep doing what we can to “make it work”.

26 Jun 2012

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The Seasons and The Hot Summer Day

When I was growing up in the northern mid-west of the US, we always looked forward to the seasons. Each one of them brought a change in attitude, and every season signified something special in some way. I recall as a child I thinking of summer to be those warm days where some days were really hot and the bright sun that you would feel on your skin would be the fuel for a days worth of playing, like sunshine was energy. There would be humid days where everyone would comment “it’s not the heat that’s bad, it’s the humidity”. That too would pass as one of those huge storms would conger up the bursts of thunder and lighting, but also bring the breath of fresh air after the storms. Refreshing you like magic, with cool air the likes of something you hadn’t sucked into your lungs in some time.

Then there was fall. Autumn. Colors of the trees, the crisp night air and the smell of burning leaves. Some days would be wet and the trees and leaves would smell musty. There would be that day when it would rain a cold rain, a hard rain that would put shivers down your neck if you were out in it. By the next day all the leaves would be almost all gone, and the sky would turn a defiantly grey tone letting everyone know winter was knocking.

Oh those winters. In northern states, they could be brutal. Cold on top of cold, ice coated with ice. Cars not starting, cold winds shuddering the outside walls of my home. There would be days where it was so cold a deep breath would hurt and you would know it was time to get from one place to another and not stand out in it. There would be snow, but on those cold days it would crunch like styrofoam under your boots. Almost squeaking with the reminder that you better walk briskly but be mindful of the ice patches underneath. THere were even those lovely “snow days” where schools would be closed, work places too. The snow was so high and thick you weren’t going anywhere and everyone else was in the same place as you. Watching out the window for a break so you could start to shovel out.. peaceful, but cautious we would enjoy the day that nature provided a break.

Spring would start the cycle again. the newness of the grass before the first cut. The trees not exactly full of leaves, but running sap and getting ready for the warm days ahead. Fresh spring rains. Life showing up again in the backyard. Squirrels, birds and bugs. All the time knowing summer was on the other side of all of those spring showers.

So I do miss the seasons. Living in Northern Texas now, it seems like the Texas summers are like those cold winter days in the north. I escape in doors from the heat (104 degrees Fahrenheit today) that will hang around for weeks (maybe months). But I know that in the fall we can lounge in the yard, take long walks in the park. In the winter we can put on a light jacket and say “my how cold it is today” when freezing temps aren’t even in the forecast. All the while others in the north, they will be getting ready for their cold days and icy challenges, pulling out the boots and heavy coats.

I can handle the southern heat knowing that is coming. But there are days when I truly miss the changing seasons. This hot summer day is one of them.

Posted in Before and After Things Change, Doing Things That Will Change Your Life and tagged Change, Joy, Life, life is precious, Memories, moments, North Texas, Sprituality, Weather

24 Jun 2012

Don’t Worry Your Life Away

Worry. There’s one thing that seems to be able to consume so much of your life in so many ways that it can become such a fixation that little else matters. Whether it involves work, your family, your friends, your health, your finances, what others think of you, what you will do today or tomorrow… and on and on.

It’s not that you can’t be concerned, that you cannot plan things and be careful to manuever those things that can get in your way. We all have to go through our lives with eyes wide open and watch for the obstacles we can avoid. But taking “worry” to a point in your life that it stops you from experiencing what God has given you is just not a good course to take.

When my wife and I had our first child, every thing had changed about worry. We would worry did he have enough to eat, enough sleep, were we paying enough attention to him? If he would sneeze we would imagine the worse and always be consulting books or family and friends.

Over the years we have learned that there are only some things we can do as parents, and we have to be concerned about our children (we love them), but we are going to leave it up to God as well. We have to plant the core-things in them that they need to make it through life, but in the end we cannot be standing next to them every step of the way.

When I was diagnosed with cancer, I know that it was something that would need God’s help. My wife has been there to help me through. Even as she has been my angel (because I believe God sent her to me so many years ago), I know that some of it is built on faith to take it one day at a time. Worry could easily consume every minute of every day.

Worry will make you older faster, it can replace the good things in front of you with an awkward view and dangerous perspective. It can consume so much of your life and in exchange repel others around you. So the end it seems, life is the experience and all that goes with it.

As Jason Mraz says below in a song about his friend who fought cancer, “The remedy is the experience.” Don’t let it control your life. Be strong.

The Remedy by Jason Mraz

Well i saw fireworks from the freeway
And behind closed eyes I cannot make them go away
‘Cause you were born on the fourth of July, freedom ring
Now something on the surface it stings
I said something on the surface
Well it kind of makes me nervous
Who says that you deserve this
And what kind of god would serve this?
We will cure this dirty old disease
Well if you’ve got the poison I’ve got the remedy

The remedy is the experience.
This is a dangerous liaison
I say the comedy is that it’s serious.
This is a strange enough new play on words
I say the tragedy is how you’re gonna spend
The rest of your nights with the light on
So shine the light on all of your friends
When it all amounts to nothing in the end.

I won’t worry my life away.
I won’t worry my life away.

Well i heard two men talking on the radio
In a cross fire kind of reality show
Uncovering the ways to plan the next big attack
They were counting down the ways to stab
The brother in the be right back after this
The unavoidable kiss, where the minty fresh
Death breath is sure to outlast this catastrophe
Dance with me, because if you’ve got the poison,
I’ve got the remedy

I won’t worry my life away.
I won’t worry my life away.

When I fall in love I take my time
There’s no need to hurry when I’m making up my mind
You can turn off the sun but I’m still gonna shine and I’ll tell you why

Because

I won’t worry my life away
I won’t worry my life away
I won’t and I won’t and I won’t

“So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.” Mathew 6:34

Posted in Before and After Things Change, Life's Sound Track (Music) and tagged Acceptance, Faith, Health, jason-mraz, Life, life is precious, one day at a time, Postive Thinking, remedy, Slow Down, Sprituality, Worry, Worry

22 Jun 2012

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Being Authentic

I have always hoped that my kids would grow up understanding the importance of being “authentic”. I think that is a word that may have many meanings to depending on your perspective; genuine, not fake or false, an original/not a copy, something has significance perhaps. Authentic shouldn’t be confused with “original” though, since we all are original, no two exactly alike. We are all God’s people because of that difference.

But to me, people who are authentic have conviction to be who they are because they are aware of themselves. Sure, over the years of growing up and even in adulthood we continue to try to emulate others; like our heroes, our parents, our mentors in living and faith, even our closest and dearest friends and lovers. And we should. Like I said in a previous post, I think we are a mosaic of all the people we have had contact with that have influenced us (good or bad). But we get to decide in the final pass what that means. It is our internal psyche that is going to accept or deny the picture of who we are.

But really didn’t want to take scientific route, I am just expecting my children to continue to be authentic. Be aware of others around them, who they are and what might have brought those people to that moment in time to intersect with our lives. But be genuine then. Be right with yourself. I laugh as I remember when they were growing up how they would desperately need to wear clothes and have their hair like their favorite rock stars. They would wear the latest anti-fashions, say words they could only have heard from other places. They would call others “posers”, when in fact they were themselves. But as they got older things changed outwardly, and hair and clothes changed with them. But always as parents we always asked them to remain true to themselves.

So I keep thinking “be authentic”. Start by being real, start by not lying to yourself about things in your life and how you treat others. Start by depending on your spiritual compass to make positive decisions. Kind of like the accountability scale I posted a while back, you have to be able to admit your mistakes, own your own situation. Then treat others that way. The adage “do onto others…” I think means being genuine to yourself first, and then to the people around you. No matter if those people are only a moment in your life as you travel through it, or family, or intended to be a lifelong dear friends… treat them authentically.

Posted in Doing Things That Will Change Your Life, Learning Lessons Along the Journey Of Life and tagged Change, Definitions, friends and lovers, life is precious, Opinion, Reality Check, relationships, Religion and Spirituality, Self-Awareness, Truth, Who Are You

18 Jun 2012

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The Mosaic of Life

Some days can seem to drone on for a long time. As the summer days in Texas grow longer and the heat lingers on, it gives me pause to stop and thank God for all the people he has put in my life. They have all created a mosaic of memories and experiences that allow me to get to this point and see what I see. It amazes me. Even on those bland and simple days , where nothing eventful of note has left its mark, there is always the reflection of the events and people that have been before this moment.

I miss many of them, but they had their own roads to take and lives to travel. I am better for having them in my life’s paths, and hopefully I helped be a piece of who they are too… Not all of them were the greatest of friends, in fact some were foes. But they all made a difference.

I am also thankful that I have my family. Through the laughter, the tears, the frustrations and triumphs we work through them together as best we know how, with God’s countenance and grace to watch over us. I haven’t seen one of my sons in nearly nine years, and I pray that he is learning this to be true. But I love him still. I am fortunate for my three other children and my wonderful wife that have been in my life these many years.

As the US recognized Fathers Day this past weekend, I want to hope that I have reflected some of the greatness of my father on my children. I think I have. I am fortunate to be able to say that, (when so many don’t wish or want it so)…my children never really got to know my father before he died- but I see him in them. Such precious little time with their other grandfather was hopefully enough to see the man he was and what pieces of him exist in them as well.

So I continue to be amazed. And I hope you can reflect on the mosaic of your life that has brought you to each day, and be amazed along with me in the light it produces. Be good with what makes you who you are today, share it with your family and friends, and be joyful for what adventures lie ahead in the time here on Earth.

“Family” by Joe Walsh

I’ve been alone most of my life
I’ve never known what it was like
To end up somewhere and not have to pack
To be among friends I know have my back

But now I’m here where I belong
I’ve finally found a wife and a home
And a family that matters, means more to me
Than anything I have ever believed

And when we are gathered together
Tell me how blessed can somebody be

Give thanks, break bread, say grace, bow heads
For all of this love that surrounds me
We laugh, we cry, stand together that’s why
It’s all being part of a family

Tried it before, never felt right
I never dreamed that someday I might
Be part of something bigger than me
It makes me feel humble, finally I see

All that we have is each other
And that’s all that I’ll ever need

Give thanks, take time to say that I’m
So grateful for all that surrounds me
We laugh, we cry, stand together that’s why
It’s all being part of a family