Tracks In The Dust

A Father's Advice About Learning the Mission of Life

Archive for the tag “Acceptance”

15 Aug 2013

Conditions and Compromise

It’s interesting how often these days interaction with someone can always come to “certain conditions”. Doing favors or helping someone with something can end up as a negotiation of sorts. Sort of the payback for things that are done.

The idea of “unconditional” love and friendship is still alive I think, It is definitely a spiritual center we all need to achieve. It makes our lives less complicated in a way. It is the grace of God. Yet it seems like there are days where things only happen under certain terms.

There are a lot of conditions in life. Sort of like: “I can help you with your problem, but IF I do you need to help me with mine.” Negotiation isn’t always bad, but it will struggle to lead to longer term relationships

Conditional love is the hardest one to cope with. Like trying to earn someone’s love and attention, it comes with a price. It has a manipulating qualifier to it. I will love you, if only you would be more attentive to my needs. I will love you if only you make enough time for me to do what I want to do.

It goes on and on : I will love you if you a) lose weight b) gain status, c) dress a certain way, d) be friends with the people I am friends with, e) NOT be friends with the people you are friends with. f) like the colour “blue” – or hundreds upon hundreds of other conditions.

There is something about compromise in a relationship (which is healthy) that can spill over into conditions. When it does there may not be an immediate way to recognize it. But it exists. And over time it can lead to resentment, to disillusion that ends in someone being very hurt.

So I always give my kids that advice, Be sure to “be yourself” and be aware of the difference between compromises in a relationship and conditions.

Practice Unconditional Love (alexiaisaak.com)

Posted in Doing Things That Will Change Your Life and tagged Acceptance, Advice, Conditional, Doubt, God, Grace, Perception, Philosophy, relationship, Self-Awareness, Sprituality, Unconditional Love

26 Jun 2013

2 Comments

Appreciating Acceptance

Since as early as pre-school it would seem that there is a desire for acceptance. A desire or perhaps a need to be part of the “group” that has some common goal, even if that is just to be the first on the playground or have the same favorite color or game.

Even more later in life I suppose, as we move into our adolescent years, there is a strong desire (maybe part of the hormones) to be accepted. Be part of a team or a clique, be accepted by the person(s) we romantically desire. Even for those anti-society “rebels without a cause” there is a reason to be accepted in a group.

There a likely hundreds upon thousands of academic books about this topic. I am sure that they all wrap things up into some human characteristic that is inherent in our DNA or something. Wonderful that so many pages can be written to draw up a conclusion about the whole thing of acceptance.

For us in the adult world – most of us are always in need of things like friendships, acceptance in our work spaces with our peers and the boss, relating to others on all sorts of levels on topics from crafts to politics.

There is one place that isn’t often part of that equation as it should be in my view: church. A place where all people are seeking acceptance, and looking for others that see that opportunity to be accepted as well. Just talking about the gathering of people- not the building, but the church as a collective of people who believe that the mission is to continue to extend the hope, spirit and faith. Surrounding yourself with people who have the same perspective can become refueling for the soul.

I think that the first step to positively appreciate your acceptance, is to recognize and accept the spiritual guidance that is inside of you, and accepting yourself first.

I tell my kids to focus on knowing what you need and why you think you need it. Learn to be yourself if you want to be accepted by others. If you don’t know who “you” are – how are you going to gain acceptance from others? how can you even to accept others?

Posted in Learning Lessons Along the Journey Of Life and tagged Acceptance, Affirmation, Be Yourself, Doubt, Emotion, Postive Thinking, Reality Check, Religion and Spirituality, Self-Awareness, Spiritual Growth, Who Am I?

24 Jun 2013

“Mad” or “Sad”?

I was in a grocery store over the weekend and I heard a lady exclaim to her husband how “really mad” she was about the fact that a cracker company had discontinued her preferred sized box.

I had to laugh a bit because I couldn’t think of a situation such as that where it would make me be “really” mad. I always thought that “mad” was reserved for horrific things that happened to people or circumstances that became unable to control or ultimately did not turn out the way we expected. Even then there is a fine line I think between mad and sad (or disappointed I suppose).

It seems like more and more people are “mad” at things that really stretch the idea of or being angry. There is room for anger in our lives; applied to those things that may some how stimulate us to a better life, to be more conscientious or be stronger for someone or some cause.

It seems the “madness” I see stems from something else. Perhaps the frustration of the moment or the feeling of helplessness. More than ever before, there seem to be a lot of people who are more angry over things that they cannot change. That is likely because in this “information age” of constant incoming data we are increasingly more exposed to things we can get mad at.

Maybe that is the idea of what someone means when they refer to the past as “simpler times”? Maybe because of ignorance (which I have heard is bliss) or maybe though intentional avoidance, some people just didn’t have to deal with being angry in those simpler times. As time has changed, and war, poverty, hate, disease and the like have come 24/7 into our lives, maybe we have become an angrier society?

Whatever the path, seems like something to be sad about. Perhaps mad; but likely sad…because the ability to turn off that 24/7 input has passed many people by. Unless we ourselves make a choice.

Be mad if you need to, but remember to be sad when you can. Either way you have to find a place where you can move on…. make a difference, change what’s happening, or focus on something else that you can effect. Getting “stuck” in mad is maddening enough.

Posted in Doing Things That Will Change Your Life and tagged Acceptance, Anger, Compassion, Emotion, Grace, Happiness, Hope, Joy, Kindness, mental-health, Sadness, Self-Awareness

18 Jun 2013

2 Comments

Be Thankful

So there are so many ways to say “thank you”. For some it may be a sincere hug. Are you a hugging person? Maybe not as personal for some, but perhaps a genuine handshake or some other physical way.

There are people who show their appreciation with special words of thanks, pointing out very directly how they feel. They may go out of their way to reach out and be sure someone knows what it means. There are others who send cards or notes, communication to make sure to be specific about what they felt and why they want to say thanks.

But there are some people I have met that seem to have lost the art of saying thank you. They may nod or say “thank you” and smile, but they believe that are just trying to be polite. They really expect things to come to them, to be provided to them because they deserve it. Perhaps they think “after all” they have struggled to get where they are, they may have even worked hard to be who they are. But really, it may not be sincere, it may be lost in the point of view.

My kids are adults now. And I hope that I have taught my kids what it means to be thankful. What it means when someone else does something for them. What it means to do things for others as well. Is it an art? Is there a science to it? Not sure that there is, it is just something that has to be recognized. It is a way of life that allows you to recall and remember what others lives are like around you. It’s not a sign of weakness, it is not a sign of submission. It is the proof that you are in the place you need to be in humankind.

You can be the ingredient of the essence that is grace in action.

So simple and so complex at the same time. Thank you.

Posted in Doing Things That Will Change Your Life and tagged Acceptance, choices, Compassion, culture, Grace, Kindness, Love, Opinion, Self-Awareness, Sprituality, Thankful

14 Jun 2013

Organized Chaos

I have noticed that I spend a lot of time and effort trying to be organized. Maybe you do too?

Perhaps it’s because structure, for many people is a coping mechanism that helps us deal with the chaos and complexity of daily life in a way that we understand.

I feel it everyday, like so many around me, often avoiding chaos and uncertainty like the plague. Amazing as it may seem I think that history has proven over and over that all of our biggest opportunities for creating, for innovating, for “changing the paradigm” or whatever you want to call it… they have all come from that which scares us the most – chaos.

Not that I would welcome it of course, but in the scheme of things when I ponder how to avoid it… I can get darn creative. Sometimes it just becomes an inspiration. Sometimes it is a response to something unexpected. I look around the house some days and see how cluttered daily life has left things. Running from one errand to another, heading off to work or school and then getting caught up in that complex maze of things.

So there it is- those mazes that can make life complex, that chaos that can surround you and make you pause to think “I need more structure, need more control” and not let this get the best of me. Then… I creatively find ways to relax… maybe even get distracted… it will be okay. It will pass. Of course I can always make a list of everything I need to do. I can sort through and see what I can accomplish quickly (quickly- like the list I am making ha-ha).

Finally in the scheme of things I realize that even with all that chaos, that I had another day to cherish the life I have and make the best of it. God has blessed me. And that is on the TOP of my list. How about yours?

List Making (Photo credit: Bunches and Bits {Karina})