Reality Check | Tracks In The Dust

Archive for the tag “Reality Check”

27 Apr 2012

What Are Your Plans?

What are your plans? I mean is- what are you going to do tomorrow? OR the weekend? Or next week? Next month? Before the end of the year? Just what are you planning to do?

Sometimes it seems we have it all mapped out. Dinner out tomorrow, shopping on the weekend. Going to a movie, going out to the club. But then things happen. Work gets in the way, or just emotional baggage comes and swoops you up and makes the whole thing change.

The harder you plan it seems, the more things seem to change the course. Sometimes it seems others have plans for you. They influence the direction your going and make for an abrupt turn of events. There are times that is fun, just go with it and let it happen. Other times it feels like things are just spinning out of control and your plans are just not happening the way you envisioned.

Of course those can just be the plans in your near future, jotted down on your calendar on your smartphone, scribbled on the calendar on your desk. But those longer term plans – kind of fuzzy? Kind of indefinite? Things you wish you could do someday or something you have imagined will be in your future?

Accepting change is as difficult as accepting the plan. Finding the goals to get where you want to be can be difficult. Not worrying about that forever tomorrow, but at least putting one foot in front of another and head out toward that point in the distance. “Let tomorrow take care of itself” is a spiritual path we can all count on on our journey. But aiming for the future is also what hope depends on, it is the picture that keeps us moving. No GPS can get us there, no Google map that will put a pin on the point of destination. But it is your inner compass that you have to look at. Head out. Make plans… know that in the course of things it will change but make sure you have a vision.

Yes, you have to work on your plan. If you want things to go your way you have to focus on working the plan. You are in control of your future. But don’t forget that there are as many deviations as there are straight lines. Change can be good. The core of what you want though, is you and the things written on your heart and soul. So just go now… make tracks while we have our time here on Earth. But make them count on your journey. Plan on it. Plan on change. Don’t be afraid of the change of course, and with the view from your heart, don’t worry about the final outcome. Trust yourself to do what is right on the long and winding road to the end.

Posted in Learning Lessons Along the Journey Of Life and tagged Acceptance, Bad Plans, cherish, Emotional baggage, Eternity, Future, God, Plan, Reality Check, tracks in the dust

24 Apr 2012

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The Scale of Accountability

Before I understood what accountability was about, when I was younger, I just didn’t get it. I always thought there was a chance for things to change for the better in my life without me doing anything. Certainly I could help things along myself, but there were reasons (I thought) that things were in my way and if I waited long enough, “go with the flow”… it would just evolve on its own.

There were other times that I would just not accept that what was happening when things didn’t go the way I had planned it –it was someone else or something else to blame. There always seemed to be other people and things in the way and I would just have to make do with the way it was. It was easy to feel helpless, or trapped.

But it isn’t easy to be accountable. It requires a lot of work. And grace: forgiveness, understanding, kindness, compassion, patience, acceptance of change while nurturing a “center” for your view of life. Honesty with oneself is on the list of the hardest things to do..

After I understood the scale of accountability it became something that I could apply to so much in life.

If I was lacking spirituality I could wait for it to find me, or I could find it. If I had problems with someone or something, I figured out that it was up to me to not blame others or wait for things to change. I had to work to acknowledge the situation and make changes. It doesn’t mean there can’t be feelings about things, or opinions… but it is something yet again to learn to be accountable to owning those feelings and opinions beyond just the emotion of it.

So I wonder sometimes…when I see people around me angered and frustrated with the situations they are in- often they are explaining them away as though they are “circumstantial” or must be blamed on other things around them. I wonder what their life is like day-to-day. Are they feeling like a victim; acting like a victim? There are so many of them out there. They seem to be lost because they don’t have a “center” in their lives, but they aren’t looking for one either. Often they surround themselves with more people who feel the way they do. They are unsure why they are stuck in a place they don’t want to be, but that is “the way it is” they’ll say…

So I tell my kids to be accountable to themselves, to the life they choose and to God. Be aware, take action when they need to make a difference in what is happening. Things will change. Life will take on a new meaning.

The Scale of Accountability: Where do you stand?

Accountable

Make It Happen – DO IT
Find Solutions – SOLVE IT
Own Responsibility – OWN IT
Acknowledge Situation – SEE IT

A Victim

Wait and Hope It Gets Better
Excuses-Reasons “I can’t”
Blaming Others
Unaware-Unconscious-Ignore

Posted in Before and After Things Change and tagged Accountability, Blame, choices, Grace, Moral responsibility, Reality Check, Sprituality, Understanding, Victim blaming

17 Apr 2012

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Negotiating With Yourself

Unbelievable as it seems I am my best negotiator. But even more incredible is that most of the time I am negotiating with myself. I find that I often work hard to win, but as ironic as it may be- sometimes I lose. How can I lose when I am negotiating with myself? Easy.

Wrestling with the things that I know I should work to do better in my life can sometimes take a long time. I can even declare a “win” on one day and find it was actually anything but a win. Yet there I am – the master negotiator in what direction I could take, what would make the best sense, how it would compare with other things I have done in the past. Sometimes it seems like new horizons are almost easier to decide because there are many unknowns… can’t talk myself out of things if I really don’t have a confident argument to the contrary. Yet many of the easiest things to decide still have their struggles: diets, paying attention to your health, saving for the future, learning more about the things that puzzle you in life. They are all about focus on devoting the effort, but still they involve constant debate with your life’s daily course.

So each day I grab onto reasons why I can or can’t do something. Sometimes it results in stalling out on doing anything. ( Okay Freudian fans, I know the view). Being human means that making mistakes are just part of the natural progression of things, but yet the tendency is to not be public about it, or put others in harm’s way, or do something so wrong that it is against the very grain of your soul and spirit. “Analysis paralysis” others will call it. Better to not do anything, not change anything because of the consequences. Don’t want to upset the rhythm of things.

For me, when I finally negotiate the time, and make the argument with myself that will stick ( maybe even share it with my loved ones to see what they say)- then I proudly go forward. I make the “move”. It’s then I realize that some of the most impulsive things I have done in my life were equally as successful steps along the path. Trusting in yourself has rewards- centered on the positive, on your heart, on the spirit of the Word, on the course that will be forever history in your lifetime once you’ve charted it.

There are often many steps that will require negotiation and course correction. It’s just taking them in the first place. How well do you negotiate your course in life? Do you trust your inner negotiator to win? Do you use your inner compass along the way to make the corrections as you travel this time on Earth?

Posted in Doing Things That Will Change Your Life, Learning Lessons Along the Journey Of Life and tagged Analysis paralysis, Decision making, Doubt, Inner Compass, Reality Check, Self-Awareness, Sprituality

27 Feb 2012

The Definition of You

Not to get all Freudian or something, but lately it seems like I’ve met people who are struggling to understand themselves better. And it starts with them not able to personally define who they are. They have a lot of friends, family and lovers (past and present), around them who are more than willing to tell them how they define them. But the reality is if you could not ask the people around you…how would you define yourself?

Easy to put on different costumes and personalities to show to others, through different phases of a relationship with someone, different pieces of the real you may not be immediately exposed. Asking the question “Who do you believe you are?” without parroting back what others say you are is hard to do and seems to require inner inspection. Are you the same person inside as you appear to others? So easy at first to say “yes”- but the last person you should lie to is yourself and it is easy to do ( at least I can say that personally in a truthful way).

So go ahead…ask yourself who you are. Be honest. Are you a singer, a lover of horses, a follower of sports? Labels. Are you someone who thrives on interaction, or just likes interaction to validate who you are… letting that define the real you. Deeper, who are you spiritually? Sure there are labels: a scientist, a teacher, a lover, a friend. That’s easy to do… just add it to your Facebook profile already… but who are you when the world and others don’t label you.

Worse yet, once you think you know who you are– try comparing that to how others see you. Some of my closest friends have lost marriages, significant family relationships and friendships because they realized that they were trying to become someone they weren’t ever going to be, or worse yet were trying desperately to fit into something someone else wanted them to be. We always evolve from the foundation of who we are- but before you can really grow- you need to know what that foundation consists of.

I sound like a bunch of songs from the Who (queue “Who Are You” or “The Real Me”) or like the dozens of philosophers from my college classes. Seems like we are always in need of introspection. In this busy world – with constant input coming from so many different places- with almost instant feedback [more than any other time before in history], we need to be sure our first definition of ourselves is ours.