Self-Awareness | Tracks In The Dust

Archive for the tag “Self-Awareness”

15 Aug 2013

Conditions and Compromise

It’s interesting how often these days interaction with someone can always come to “certain conditions”. Doing favors or helping someone with something can end up as a negotiation of sorts. Sort of the payback for things that are done.

The idea of “unconditional” love and friendship is still alive I think, It is definitely a spiritual center we all need to achieve. It makes our lives less complicated in a way. It is the grace of God. Yet it seems like there are days where things only happen under certain terms.

There are a lot of conditions in life. Sort of like: “I can help you with your problem, but IF I do you need to help me with mine.” Negotiation isn’t always bad, but it will struggle to lead to longer term relationships

Conditional love is the hardest one to cope with. Like trying to earn someone’s love and attention, it comes with a price. It has a manipulating qualifier to it. I will love you, if only you would be more attentive to my needs. I will love you if only you make enough time for me to do what I want to do.

It goes on and on : I will love you if you a) lose weight b) gain status, c) dress a certain way, d) be friends with the people I am friends with, e) NOT be friends with the people you are friends with. f) like the colour “blue” – or hundreds upon hundreds of other conditions.

There is something about compromise in a relationship (which is healthy) that can spill over into conditions. When it does there may not be an immediate way to recognize it. But it exists. And over time it can lead to resentment, to disillusion that ends in someone being very hurt.

So I always give my kids that advice, Be sure to “be yourself” and be aware of the difference between compromises in a relationship and conditions.

Practice Unconditional Love (alexiaisaak.com)

Posted in Doing Things That Will Change Your Life and tagged Acceptance, Advice, Conditional, Doubt, God, Grace, Perception, Philosophy, relationship, Self-Awareness, Sprituality, Unconditional Love

23 Jul 2013

2 Comments

You Are The New Day

You Are the New Day.

You can make the difference every day.

One of my favorite songs (traditional) by a group I listened to often long ago.

Go out and make a difference and be involved in someone’s life. Don’t close yourself off to living. Life is short.

Posted in Life's Sound Track (Music) and tagged choices, Emotion, favorite songs, Happiness, Memories, Music, new day, Postive Thinking, Rock music, Self-Awareness

09 Jul 2013

The “Scale of Accountability” Again

Nearly every day something will trigger the Scale of Accountability. It keeps coming back to mind to me. I posted this last year, but it is something that has been great to keep a perspective on things on so many levels.

Often I see people around me angered and frustrated with the situations they are in- I hear them explaining things away as though they are “circumstantial” or must be blamed on other things around them. I wonder what their life is like day-to-day. Are they feeling like a victim; acting like a victim?

There are so many of those people who seem to appear in so many places in life. They seem to be lost because they don’t have a “center” in their lives, but they aren’t looking for one either. Often they surround themselves with more people who feel the way they do, which just makes it all the easier to stay in the place they are. They are unsure why they are stuck in a place they don’t want to be, but that is “the way it is” they’ll say…

So I ask my kids to be accountable to themselves and also to the life they choose and to God. Be aware, take action when they need to make a difference in what is happening. Things will change. Life will take on a new meaning.

The Scale of Accountability: What direction do you take?

Are You Accountable?

Make It Happen – DO IT
Find Solutions – SOLVE IT
Own Responsibility – OWN IT
Acknowledge Situation – SEE IT

Are You A Victim?

Wait and Hope It Gets Better
Excuses-Reasons “I can’t”
Blaming Others
Unaware-Unconscious-Ignore

Responsibility (thendley.wordpress.com)

Posted in Doing Things That Will Change Your Life and tagged Accountability, Blame, choices, Doubt, Faith, Finding Fault, mental-health, Philosophy, Rationalization (making excuses), Reality Check, Self-Awareness, Taking Responsibility

27 Jun 2013

2 Comments

Letting Go

Let go!

There is a lot of comfort in “status-quo”. There are reasons that you like “the way things are”. Being firmly entrenched in the pattern you are in can sometimes feel good.

A lot of people thrive on change. In fact for me when things DON’T change it kind of makes me think that something might be wrong. I know that sounds like I am always waiting for the “other shoe” to drop… which is sort of sad I guess. But change is okay too, it has its ability to provide the kind of variety that keeps life interesting, and makes one be more aware of things along the way.

But for others I guess there is that comfort of keeping things the way they are.

As my kids got older I think my wife and struggled for a long time understanding that our children were looking outward on their lives and not focused on the “family” that made up our history. We realized we could not center everything on them, as we had in their younger days growing up. Not that they didn’t want to be part of our family, just that they were looking for the next-thing and needed to work it on their own. After all that is part of growing up, and although the flexibility to change is more difficult later in life due to so many of the anchors and roots we put on ourselves. There is likely always the “next-thing” around the corner – if we were looking for it.

But those others who are comfortable, they aren’t always looking for the next thing. The needs of the next thing may not be evident, and they may be frightening or mysterious. But that comfort can be constricting. The next-thing may very well come without warning.

A job goes away, health, finances, catastrophe, or just a change in the simple pattern of daily life can be devastating and make that comfortable life seem to slip away so quickly it leaves no time to pause. That alone can be constricting. It can stall out what will need to happen next, it can lead to depression and denial.

So it is important (I think) to get accustomed to “letting go” things and taking courses in life that could be risky or unfamiliar. Letting go can lead to changes that you don’t expect, that you can’t even imagine.

Letting go is hard. No promises, but lots of promising prospects. Is it time to let go of something?

Posted in Learning Lessons Along the Journey Of Life and tagged Behavior, Change, choices, denial, Depression, Doubt, Faith, Letting Go, Memories, mental-health, Postive Thinking, Reality Check, Self-Awareness, Something New, The next thing, waiting for the other shoe to drop

26 Jun 2013

2 Comments

Appreciating Acceptance

Since as early as pre-school it would seem that there is a desire for acceptance. A desire or perhaps a need to be part of the “group” that has some common goal, even if that is just to be the first on the playground or have the same favorite color or game.

Even more later in life I suppose, as we move into our adolescent years, there is a strong desire (maybe part of the hormones) to be accepted. Be part of a team or a clique, be accepted by the person(s) we romantically desire. Even for those anti-society “rebels without a cause” there is a reason to be accepted in a group.

There a likely hundreds upon thousands of academic books about this topic. I am sure that they all wrap things up into some human characteristic that is inherent in our DNA or something. Wonderful that so many pages can be written to draw up a conclusion about the whole thing of acceptance.

For us in the adult world – most of us are always in need of things like friendships, acceptance in our work spaces with our peers and the boss, relating to others on all sorts of levels on topics from crafts to politics.

There is one place that isn’t often part of that equation as it should be in my view: church. A place where all people are seeking acceptance, and looking for others that see that opportunity to be accepted as well. Just talking about the gathering of people- not the building, but the church as a collective of people who believe that the mission is to continue to extend the hope, spirit and faith. Surrounding yourself with people who have the same perspective can become refueling for the soul.

I think that the first step to positively appreciate your acceptance, is to recognize and accept the spiritual guidance that is inside of you, and accepting yourself first.

I tell my kids to focus on knowing what you need and why you think you need it. Learn to be yourself if you want to be accepted by others. If you don’t know who “you” are – how are you going to gain acceptance from others? how can you even to accept others?