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Archive for the category “Doing Things That Will Change Your Life”

09 Jul 2012

The Passion of Polarity and Meeting in the Middle

Words like “any or all” seem to be used with a lot of freedom these days. They are used with passionate polarity to help place people in their respective ends of an argument or position on a topic. It is frightening to hear people say that “all” of one religion or race are considered to be good or evil. I cringe when a see a person who believes something in particular is wrong because the only right way of thinking is what they believe- statements that hover around the idea that “any one who has an opposite opinion is clearly wrong”

In the fast paced information age of the Internet we reward passion about subjects, then others who feel the same way help send it out in emails or websites to be soaked up and waved around like a flag. It could be passion about conservative views or liberal views, about organized religion or someone elses misdirected religious beliefs. There are so many topics that contain polarity that seem to tear a great number of people apart.

Polarity often is dangerous and can be the very thing that separates brother from brother, creates wars and crime, it can destroy beauty and delay progress. It becomes the fuel for fear, and the fuel for hate. It can tear apart marriages.

Polarity has its places in making our world a better world. Good vs Evil seems to make sense. One God. Sometimes there is only one choice, other times there are no choices- it is a fact of nature itself (which so often has its own polarity). We are all made up of many particles that need to have a positive and negative. But in the center is the core.

So there is something to consider. Polarity can be used to discover the middle or center, for without 2 ends or opposites there is no middle. When two people are so far away from each other… the path to the middle is the hardest path, but is the action that can bring the compromise is a needed which can be part of life itself.

Perhaps polarity is the starting point to a path to compromise, it allows us to be passionate and it can allow us to come together somewhere in the middle and better embrace the outcome. Sure, we can pull hard in the opposite direction, like a tug-of-war. Then watch all the cheers and jeers by supporters and detractors around us, because people are interested in that diversity. Sort of like watching a train wreck or traffic accident. People don’t want to see it but can’t take their eyes off it. So many wallow in the struggle of polarity, like two teams fighting against each other. Not sure when the game should end. But the reality of it all it may appear, is that compromise, the middle – is not very exciting, not very “defining” and desirable. So we just aren’t interested.

Maybe we all desire this polar opposition, we look for the places to stand on it and don’t see the middle as a place to be. We may selfishly want the attention, or are blind to the opportunity, but we work toward being somewhere in the middle. Be keeping your eye out for middle. It’s not that bad. It can be that good. But then I am guessing you may disagree? Hmmmmmm.

02 Jul 2012

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Our Emotional Life

Emotion is such a human thing, isn’t it? We thrive on it and need it to be able to exist. The emotional range of life provides us the very highest of happiness to the depths of sadness, from grief to elation, from the top of achievement and all that goes with it, to the bottom of disappointment in failure.

All of these are part of being human, of living our lives however long they may be. But for some of us we try so hard to put emotions away – bury them so that they cannot get out where others may see them. Yet for others, these emotions trap us in a place where then we can often get caught. It is then we get stuck for what seems endless days, weeks perhaps even years where no escape appears. Perhaps we cannot see the escape, or maybe we just aren’t looking for it. Sure, and there are those who are forever on that “high” as well, blindly flying along with the need to drive to the pinnacle every day. Taking in everything and everyone around them like a vacuum, and not stopping to see what falls along the wayside as the go.

Emotion is human, and it has a lot to do with our progress in life. It drives the very reasons that we persevere, it kindles the very fires that keep us burning for more. It is the center of love, it is the root of hate. It fuels happiness and fear. We fight it, we resist its change, and yet we cherish it and love its diversity. We let it control us and we sometimes let it make us do things we know in our heart are not right, but also let us guide us toward the power of the Spirit by loving everything and everyone around us.

How do you handle it? Are you on the rollercoaster and it goes up and down, or the carousel that goes endlessly around? When you sense it is changing, do you find yourself fighting it? How do you understand when it has clouded your heart? Do you smother your emotions or let them breathe? I guess the first thing to do seems to be to recognise they are there for us because we need them. It may be good to be passionately involved with your emotions. Don’t be angry that they exist, but be sure you have the opportunity to experience them without forever trapping your at the extremes. How would you recognise the difference otherwise.

“To ignore, repress, or dismiss our feelings is to fail to listen to the stirrings of the Spirit within our emotional life.” Brennan Manning

Posted in Doing Things That Will Change Your Life and tagged Acceptance, Doubt, Emotion, Happiness, Joy, Love, moments, Philosophy, Self-Awareness, Sprituality, Thought

28 Jun 2012

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Choosing Reconciliation

There are times in your life when there will be conflict, with your family, lover or friends. There will just be things you will never agree on, because that is the way all humans are designed. It is good to be different. So what then? Perhaps you can focus on reconciliation rather than resolution. I have noticed over the years with many of my friends that couldn’t find a way to grasp this in their relationships, that they lost too much in the process. They expended so much energy in their lives that they would never recover.

Reconciliation drives toward re-establishing relationships. Resolution on the other hand, targets the thought that you have to resolve every issue by coming to a conclusive agreement on everything. I think deep inside most of us know that it can’t happen that way. Whether you both love each other, are the “best of friends” or are highly spiritually centered, whether you have made a promise to never disagree or are determined to “be yourself” at all costs; there are going to be some things you’ll never agree on.

But you can disagree without becoming disagreeable — that’s what God calls wisdom. “It’s wise to compromise. You can have unity without uniformity. You can walk hand-in-hand without seeing eye-to-eye. You can have reconciliation without resolution of every issue.”

It continues to be such a trend today to focus on “being yourself” by being declared unique, and while that itself is important, we seem to take that to an extreme. We risk declaring ourselves so special, so privileged in our sovereign definition of “me” that we forget the fundamental things that brought us together in as friends, or as a “couple” or as what the core of our family. Many of the people around me seem to sacrifice their relationships in order to stand upon their “individualism” and then later wonder why they are alone, why they are forever struggling with the interaction of the world around them.

So we have to appreciate the differences, but then focus on the relationship. I have noticed that often looking back the issues that were creating the rifts in my relationships, they have become insignificant in the scheme of things. In our world full of broken relationships, we would be so much better off if we could commit to striving toward reconciliation.

Making the effort is more than half the battle, winning is not the ultimate reward here. (Sorry for all you self achievers on that point). People often still ask me how I can be married for as long as I have. The words love and honor in the traditional wedding vows are followed by obey, but the thing to obey is our focus on the relationship, the reconciliation and the rewards of what that brings to love. That is one of the things my wife and I are working on every day, and I hope that everyone can keep doing what we can to “make it work”.

Posted in Doing Things That Will Change Your Life, Learning Lessons Along the Journey Of Life and tagged Advice, choices, Compassion, Conflict resolution, Kindness, moments, Reconciliation, relationships, Self-Awareness, Self-Help

26 Jun 2012

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The Seasons and The Hot Summer Day

When I was growing up in the northern mid-west of the US, we always looked forward to the seasons. Each one of them brought a change in attitude, and every season signified something special in some way. I recall as a child I thinking of summer to be those warm days where some days were really hot and the bright sun that you would feel on your skin would be the fuel for a days worth of playing, like sunshine was energy. There would be humid days where everyone would comment “it’s not the heat that’s bad, it’s the humidity”. That too would pass as one of those huge storms would conger up the bursts of thunder and lighting, but also bring the breath of fresh air after the storms. Refreshing you like magic, with cool air the likes of something you hadn’t sucked into your lungs in some time.

Then there was fall. Autumn. Colors of the trees, the crisp night air and the smell of burning leaves. Some days would be wet and the trees and leaves would smell musty. There would be that day when it would rain a cold rain, a hard rain that would put shivers down your neck if you were out in it. By the next day all the leaves would be almost all gone, and the sky would turn a defiantly grey tone letting everyone know winter was knocking.

Oh those winters. In northern states, they could be brutal. Cold on top of cold, ice coated with ice. Cars not starting, cold winds shuddering the outside walls of my home. There would be days where it was so cold a deep breath would hurt and you would know it was time to get from one place to another and not stand out in it. There would be snow, but on those cold days it would crunch like styrofoam under your boots. Almost squeaking with the reminder that you better walk briskly but be mindful of the ice patches underneath. THere were even those lovely “snow days” where schools would be closed, work places too. The snow was so high and thick you weren’t going anywhere and everyone else was in the same place as you. Watching out the window for a break so you could start to shovel out.. peaceful, but cautious we would enjoy the day that nature provided a break.

Spring would start the cycle again. the newness of the grass before the first cut. The trees not exactly full of leaves, but running sap and getting ready for the warm days ahead. Fresh spring rains. Life showing up again in the backyard. Squirrels, birds and bugs. All the time knowing summer was on the other side of all of those spring showers.

So I do miss the seasons. Living in Northern Texas now, it seems like the Texas summers are like those cold winter days in the north. I escape in doors from the heat (104 degrees Fahrenheit today) that will hang around for weeks (maybe months). But I know that in the fall we can lounge in the yard, take long walks in the park. In the winter we can put on a light jacket and say “my how cold it is today” when freezing temps aren’t even in the forecast. All the while others in the north, they will be getting ready for their cold days and icy challenges, pulling out the boots and heavy coats.

I can handle the southern heat knowing that is coming. But there are days when I truly miss the changing seasons. This hot summer day is one of them.

Posted in Before and After Things Change, Doing Things That Will Change Your Life and tagged Change, Joy, Life, life is precious, Memories, moments, North Texas, Sprituality, Weather

22 Jun 2012

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Being Authentic

I have always hoped that my kids would grow up understanding the importance of being “authentic”. I think that is a word that may have many meanings to depending on your perspective; genuine, not fake or false, an original/not a copy, something has significance perhaps. Authentic shouldn’t be confused with “original” though, since we all are original, no two exactly alike. We are all God’s people because of that difference.

But to me, people who are authentic have conviction to be who they are because they are aware of themselves. Sure, over the years of growing up and even in adulthood we continue to try to emulate others; like our heroes, our parents, our mentors in living and faith, even our closest and dearest friends and lovers. And we should. Like I said in a previous post, I think we are a mosaic of all the people we have had contact with that have influenced us (good or bad). But we get to decide in the final pass what that means. It is our internal psyche that is going to accept or deny the picture of who we are.

But really didn’t want to take scientific route, I am just expecting my children to continue to be authentic. Be aware of others around them, who they are and what might have brought those people to that moment in time to intersect with our lives. But be genuine then. Be right with yourself. I laugh as I remember when they were growing up how they would desperately need to wear clothes and have their hair like their favorite rock stars. They would wear the latest anti-fashions, say words they could only have heard from other places. They would call others “posers”, when in fact they were themselves. But as they got older things changed outwardly, and hair and clothes changed with them. But always as parents we always asked them to remain true to themselves.

So I keep thinking “be authentic”. Start by being real, start by not lying to yourself about things in your life and how you treat others. Start by depending on your spiritual compass to make positive decisions. Kind of like the accountability scale I posted a while back, you have to be able to admit your mistakes, own your own situation. Then treat others that way. The adage “do onto others…” I think means being genuine to yourself first, and then to the people around you. No matter if those people are only a moment in your life as you travel through it, or family, or intended to be a lifelong dear friends… treat them authentically.