relationships | Tracks In The Dust

Archive for the tag “relationships”

22 Jun 2012

Being Authentic

I have always hoped that my kids would grow up understanding the importance of being “authentic”. I think that is a word that may have many meanings to depending on your perspective; genuine, not fake or false, an original/not a copy, something has significance perhaps. Authentic shouldn’t be confused with “original” though, since we all are original, no two exactly alike. We are all God’s people because of that difference.

But to me, people who are authentic have conviction to be who they are because they are aware of themselves. Sure, over the years of growing up and even in adulthood we continue to try to emulate others; like our heroes, our parents, our mentors in living and faith, even our closest and dearest friends and lovers. And we should. Like I said in a previous post, I think we are a mosaic of all the people we have had contact with that have influenced us (good or bad). But we get to decide in the final pass what that means. It is our internal psyche that is going to accept or deny the picture of who we are.

But really didn’t want to take scientific route, I am just expecting my children to continue to be authentic. Be aware of others around them, who they are and what might have brought those people to that moment in time to intersect with our lives. But be genuine then. Be right with yourself. I laugh as I remember when they were growing up how they would desperately need to wear clothes and have their hair like their favorite rock stars. They would wear the latest anti-fashions, say words they could only have heard from other places. They would call others “posers”, when in fact they were themselves. But as they got older things changed outwardly, and hair and clothes changed with them. But always as parents we always asked them to remain true to themselves.

So I keep thinking “be authentic”. Start by being real, start by not lying to yourself about things in your life and how you treat others. Start by depending on your spiritual compass to make positive decisions. Kind of like the accountability scale I posted a while back, you have to be able to admit your mistakes, own your own situation. Then treat others that way. The adage “do onto others…” I think means being genuine to yourself first, and then to the people around you. No matter if those people are only a moment in your life as you travel through it, or family, or intended to be a lifelong dear friends… treat them authentically.

08 Jun 2012

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Celebrate Milestones

Milestones.

Measuring the passing of things can sometimes bring sadness, because it serves as a reminder that we are all getting older. It’s a fact of life we cannot deny, and as long as we are alive on Earth it is a reality we will experience.

Over the years I have changed my view of things. When I was younger, milestones like birthdays, anniversaries, and those significant days that help to provide keepsakes that will live in our memories…were all fleeting by at a very high-speed. Perhaps friends and family would gather together, while other times life just got too busy to really make time to celebrate or pause. That seemed okay because after all it seemed, “it was just another day” on the calendar to mark time.

As I have gotten older (not “old” by-the-way) I have become much less cynical about the milestones, they need to be observed. They need to be cherished for the place they signify on the timeline of our lives. Sure some of that can generate melancholy that can just bring the tone down on the very thing we should be celebrating. But it doesn’t have to. And if we let it , we are missing an opportunity to be thankful for the occasion to count it. What are we observing/counting anyway?

Our milestones (however small or significant) are there to provide us the chance to remember. Remember the good, the bad, the joyful times and the struggles that we have lived through. It is part of life, so in fact we are celebrating life in all of its detail. We are also celebrating the people and loved ones in it, and that simple fact that God is there to surround you in the moments each and every minute of them.

So this weekend my wife and I will celebrate 33 years of marriage. I used to think that sounded like something just old people would be happy about, but I don’t consider myself “old”. I enjoy the same humor, same music, same movies, same books, same food, same need for relationships and life’s validation as my children and their friends. I can feel older since my body has certainly begun to show wear. I can know that I am wearing out because of a date on the calendar, but it is the collective experiences I have had over the last 33 years that make me the richer person for it. I love my wife and the children we raised as the most Earthly rewards either of us could ask for. I look forward to eternity with them someday.

I am also positive that someday it will end, and as someone who fights cancer everyday there are special anniversaries to celebrate with my loved ones and with God. They are everyday milestones. It’s the reason and need to keep going and enjoy the passage of time. Like the ads say “celebrate more birthdays”.

So it seems – everyone has milestones to pass along the calendar of our lives. Some we may not observe but should, others may pass with little celebration. For some souls, time is too short and they leave us behind to keep time. For those of us that get more – we need to grab hold of the minutes and make them be the best.

Here’s a song that says it all from one of my favorite musicals, RENT.

Posted in Doing Things That Will Change Your Life, Life's Sound Track (Music) and tagged Anniversaries, being remembered, cherish, choices, Compassion, God, Marriage, Memories, Milestones, relationships, Rent the musical, Seasons of Love, Slow Down

16 May 2012

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The Parallel Lines of A Relationship

Some times life and the relationship with my life partner run parallel, other times they constantly seem to intersect.

Like two lines we are running along the path together, sometimes we are running next to each other on separate paths – close or distant but along the same direction. Other times we intersect – often make connections on many levels, physically, mentally, reflecting on life’s observations, agreeing on the trials and frustrations of the world around us.

Sometimes those lines are exactly on top of each other. Other times they are spiraling around like diving birds on the summer wind. But parallel or intersections, we continue to move on together.

Once in a while one of us needs to catch up, other times one of us will get far ahead. But ever heading forward, like 2 lines on a piece of paper drawing lines that move ahead in time. Sometimes opposites, but then they say that “opposites attract”. There it will be again: an intersection.

Parallel lines may mean some days we just aren’t seeing eye-to-eye on things. We may be so far away from each other that we ask “where have you been”? Other days we are intersecting with a rhythm of love, sex, and emotion. We love the sharing, we love the intersection. Yet there are days thankfully that we are running apart, those busy times when we are both trying to grasp our own place on the line. Hold on to the path and forward the course of our time on this Earth.

Thank goodness that we are not always on the same line, I think we would struggle to not be ourselves. But just as thankful are those valuable times when the intersection is glorious, beautiful, what memories are built on… before the line continues again off on the plane of life. It is all good. Spirals up and spirals down, straight ahead and weaving back and forward with each other.

Relationships run like parallel lines that still may often intersect, and sometimes run together or farther apart. Live the line, follow the tracks. Don’t give up when the lines seem to never intersect, work harder to find the ways to make sure they do. Just don’t expect them to constantly be connected.

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Posted in Doing Things That Will Change Your Life and tagged Advice, Love, Parallel Lines, relationships, Romance, seeing eye to eye, separate paths, Sprituality, tracks in the dust

19 Apr 2012

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The Value of Sharing

I have noticed lately that the value of the things in life seems to change as you get older. I remember as a much younger guy putting so much value on certain possessions in my life. Some of them I collected them up like a hoarder, thinking that if I had the biggest number or the most unique I was going to be more fortunate or recognized for it. Others sat in a drawer or a closet as treasures that would remind me of the past, or as something that signified a special moment in time that was only captured in the self-designated souvenir.

No doubt if others examined these things, most of the items would seem to have no significance to them at all. Many friends and family my age have shared the same experience; over time so ironically many of the things they have collected have become less significant. Memories fade, priorities change, the reason for having them becomes obsolete. Those collections of jewelry, record albums, magazines, books, clothing and the like… just don’t seem to be as important as they once were.

As I got older I began to understand that many of the major purchases I had accumulated over the years didn’t seem to be as valuable either. In some cases now, it has become more about function over the form of it. After all they say “you can’t take it with you”. I have begun to cherish the value of “time”, of nurturing relationships, sharing the virtues of living with those I love most- my wife, family and friends.

Sharing the good news of eternity while carrying out the mission we all have while we are here on Earth. That has more significance than the collection of possessions or souvenirs I could collect. Memories and experiences I was trying to capture in keepsakes aren’t as important as finding ways to share them with family & friends and those who may just want to know.

Perhaps that is why blogging and social networks are so popular these days. Like “posting” something to share can be so digitally permanent it can mean something more, in comparison to those collections of possessions that often only get dusty or spent with age.

Like tracks in the dust, over time our footprints will fade away- but the souls of the people we interact with in a positive way will help to carry-on long after we are gone. Corny yes- but..“The love you take is equal to the love you make”

Posted in Doing Things That Will Change Your Life and tagged Eternity Matters Most, Joy, life is precious, Love, Memories, moments, relationships, Sharing, Sprituality

16 Apr 2012

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Choices for Humankind

All around me I see sadness and anger. People texting, blogging, emailing. calling, talking on the media, ranting on the Internet. They are often frustrated that things just aren’t the way they expect. The picture that they have in their minds-eye of how the world around them should be just doesn’t seem to fit how it is.

Politics, religion, education, finances, what others have and what they don’t have, how things should be bettter-different, more freedom/more restrictions. No matter where it stands there is frustration. Partially there are so many more ways to communicate how someone feels today, social networks, blogs, web-sites designed to sound-off on what seems like thousands of causes. Add the media “news” and “commentary” and you have an elixir for even more sadness, anger and frustration.

Some of the bloggers I share posts with are calling out for “happiness” and kindness and the want and need to be more part of the label “humankind” than the tens of thousands of other labels that everyone seems to want to use. There are so many ways to put labels on someone. Our lightning fast communication to the world seems to demand lightning fast categorization of the things said and the people who have said them.

In the end are human tendencies seem to have lended themselves to generate more sadness, anger and frustration. But that very imperfect humankind that we are, we can still have a choice. That’s the way God planned it. And when we choose to look at things with grace and empathy and understanding, our lives seem to move that direction as well. Some will claim that it is a religious direction (and it is so often as it should be), but it is also something that we can all practice just because we are all looking for a better quality of life. And it needs to be a focus. It requires the effort to be positive, but it can be done. It can fill the negative void that you can leave behind if you desire to.

So it goes, we all have our bad days and our good. We all have the opportunity to spread the kindness of life, the happiness of living, the spirit that God has provided and we can choose to use! Communicate it every day, the good news (in my faith it is the Gospel). Stay away from the sadness and anger that is so easy to share through all of the communication methods we have today. They serve to decay your daily living until you are not alive. I thank God I am alive to share the good news. I have another day to choose to do it. Will you?