Self-Awareness | Tracks In The Dust

Archive for the tag “Self-Awareness”

28 Mar 2012

Every Begining Has An End

At the other end of something that begins is always the finish. Some ends come quicker than others, while some seem to go on for a long time. But either way the start has an end. ♥ The fact that I am positive of it- itself is comforting.

Before I knew I had cancer I was feeling invincable, that I had my own destiny totally under my control. God willing old age would finally get me like many of my ancestors before me, but I would have all the time to watch my children grow up and be what they chose to be. I would have time to sit on the beach with my wife & lover of decades so many that we would have stopped counting. I would be at peace because life was full, through all the ups and downs it would present in its eventual path to the end. Before cancer came, my lover and I had pictured of our traveling the country care-free. making stops along the way to take in the goodness of humankind as God planned it.

In the days before, there were indeed some days it would be easy to take things for granted, not stopping to make eye contact with life itself – too busy to invest the time to share words of kindness or a silent smile. Anger was something to hold on to, and happiness was something to have to go find. Regrets would be about trival things that didn’t even matter to anyone but me.

After cancer, our life together changed forever (that is a strange term since this life is not a forever thing). The battle is on, but the invader is without mercy. No voluntary retreat, no sympathy for time. The picture changes and the reasons for living become clearer with sharper edges. Each day becomes more precious, every interaction with life and the things around it more detailed. There is a willingnesss for investment in the “now’ that you want to share with everyone you can. Even still- although it seems that there is a plan, it is needed to be careful for the cold-darkness that can creep in. Even still- thankful for another day, thankful for the opportunity to embrace the things that matter most, but knowing there is the feeling of being tied to an ending. Theres that feeling of doubt (not fear) of how it will be for the fight in the end.

Still after all I am grateful for each day God gives me. Making sure along the way that I can pay it back while I am here on Earth. Each day as we move from place to place, we can make a difference in someone’s life that may last their lifetime.

I am a fan of many movies about traveling time and how it effects something that will change everything after it. From It’s A Wonderful Life to Butterfly Effect. But this is not just a fantasy, it is a real thing. Each of us can do it and put our existance on Earth in motion for years after we are gone from it. Making a difference that is more than tracks in the dust. It is a decision to live life and also to embrace eternity when it is over. The begining… has an end. But then all of us knew that all along. It is so easy to forget – until that day the when something shows you your plans have changed.

Posted in Before and After Things Change and tagged Cancer, Living, Postive Thinking, Self-Awareness

22 Mar 2012

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The Lighthouse Keeper

Are you a lighthouse? Standing on the rocks and warning others to steer clear? You could be the ship at sea, heading for the destination ahead- tossed by the storms and reeling against the waves that may hold you back.

Being a lighthouse taking time to shine out to all around, you have your feet planted on a piece of rock that is jutting out into the sea. There are so many ways you can look and they all have water surrounding you. But you feel like you have a service to provide, and that you can stand on solid ground forever. In one place, never moving- always there. Still – will you wonder about the ships gone by?

Can you save everyone alone? Will you work to shine harder and make sure every boat at sea heads away from your dangerous ground. Still, is that what you want? IS that who you are? Or do you want to take your chances on the sea- heading from one port to another, stopping to discover the world around you. Do you wish to share the good news and get busy charting courses for the next adventure.

There may be times when safe harbour is needed, it’s a comfort that lends you time to recharge your batteries- wait for the tide heading out. At some point the time will come, to head back to sea- take your favorite memories and head out on the compass toward a new place. Don’t be afraid if you can see the lighthouse you will know it’s there to help you. To remind you that you are steering in safe waters.

Hold on for the storms, there are likely calmer waters are ahead. Take care to watch the rudder and make sure the course is true. You have the chartbook to show you the way, it sits on your shelf waiting for you find the maps we have been given by the master chartmaker. Take it in your hand, and grab your compass and go! Wave at the lighthouses as you sail by.

Seems like some of the people I know are content being the “lighthouse”- standing comfortably on solid rock- warning others as they sail by not to crash. Others people seem to be charting a new course every day, some are risky with storms and deep water, but they look forward to the journey ahead and the opportunity to share the words and world while we are here on Earth. Who are you? Which do you want to be?

Posted in Doing Things That Will Change Your Life and tagged Doubt, God, Grace, Lighthouse, Self-Awareness, tracks in the dust

15 Mar 2012

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You’re Not Alone

It’s ironic that sometimes you can be in a room full of people and still feel alone. There are billions of people in the world, and still you can feel like you are the only one there- alone.

You’re not alone. I think everyone has those times when they may want “alone time” – You know you need it -just finding that place that you actually feel comfortable in your self. Even wandering among the busy city streets can actually feel like a wonderful by-yourself moment sometimes.

Then there seems like those times with friends, maybe out on the lawn by the grill with a cold drink, or laying back at a local pub, or walking in the park and just spending time talking about the rest of the world – like the world is somewhere else and you and your friends or family are at the center of it.

But in the end that shadow of “alone” can often lurk- somewhere behind the front door of your home, or in the car on your way to an appointment. Surrounded by thousands of things that should remind you that there are millions of people who feel just like you. Millions who are also feeling alone in a huge world of people and things. But there you are.

I realized years ago when I was diagnosed with cancer that I am never alone. I have the best family and wife one could ask for, but I knew also that I had more. Someday when I arrive in heaven, I know I will not be alone. I am not sure if I will see all of you there (that would be another blog entirely)- but honestly I pray I do.

Appreciate your one-ness, you are unique. No matter where you are however, you are not alone. You have choices, you have more ways than ever in history to reach out and find out that there are so many others, waiting alone together.

Posted in Doing Things That Will Change Your Life and tagged Alone, Being Alone, More, Self-Awareness, tracks in the dust, You Are Not Alone

07 Mar 2012

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A Combination of Reflections

Something I always wanted to tell my kids, and didn’t get to enough. Personal reflection, like a mirror, is not always easy to look at. You are a combination of so many things that came before you: your family, your friends, your lovers,your teachers, your spritual mentors, even your enemies. And when you stare into the mirror, what do you see?
There are days to see your successes, days where you wonder how you got “here” and times when the only thing you see looks like a stranger. Days when you don’t like yourself very much, and others when you can’t believe you could be happier. No matter what you see you have to be ready to put your life & your reflection in perspective ( sort of like moving closer to the mirror or standing way back). You are the person you are now. You can choose to accept it or choose to change it. You can look for small things to do, or make sweeping changes that could effect the entire direction of your life.

Accept change, embrace the unknown future with hope. Someone once said that life was like a roller coaster, or it could be more like a merry-go-round. Either way it is moving and you are in it- made up of everything that you have experienced since the day you were born. Take joy in that, make a difference in all you do… while you are here on Earth, and share the mission of the tracks you are making.

Posted in Doing Things That Will Change Your Life and tagged Acceptance, Change, Joy, self, Self-Awareness

04 Mar 2012

Speed Bump Ahead

I was walking through our wooded park in the neighborhood when I walked by road with a sign that said “Speed Bump”. It occurred to me that we all come up against speed-bumps in our lives. It doesn’t mean to stop or back up (I could just imagine all of the cars along the road stopped behind the speed-bump with nowhere to go). It means to slow down, take it easy over the bump, and keep your course ahead but be aware there is something in the road that is going to slow you down. It’s put there for a reason to keep us from going to fast.

It seems like we all have some speed bumps in our lives. Some of them come up really quickly and we don’t entirely notice the signs. We run into them full speed and it just shakes us very hard. We have to slow down for a bit, compose ourselves and make sure everything is okay. Other times we see the sign, we prepare for the speed bump a head – slow down and watch for it and slowly drive over it.

There are going to be bumps in the road, some we see and some we cannot see or others we choose to not see. We have to look for the signs ahead, be thankful that someone put them there to warn us. Some other times so many people have ridden that same road that there are pot-holes that have come with so much traffic, perhaos they are damaged roads and we don’t see them- or we follow others as they speed there way into them.

Either way, once you realize that you should expect some pot-holes, some speed bumps, some things that will slow you down; you can keep your eyes wide open. It makes you aware that everything you do (even the little things) can make a difference. Slow down as you look. You can slow down, and recognize the opportunity to move foward (over the bump) and that once yoy get over it you can move on.